It's not going to happen, but at least Virginia coach Al Groh has pondered one unique way to slow down No. 3 Southern California in today's season opener at Scott Stadium.
Groh remembers seeing how much water was sprayed on the dirt and mud last March in John Paul Jones Arena to keep down the dust during the Monster Truck Jam. He wonders what it would take to bring those hoses over to Scott Stadium — anything to counter USC's mind-blowing speed.
"If we can make that field look like the surface we use at JPJ for the tractor pull, it might help us," Groh said.
Nothing serious there. He's well aware the NCAA might have something to say to him if he utilized such a tactic. He was only trying to lighten the mood heading into what could be an eye-opening experience for his young team.
"Over the years, we've played a lot of big-name teams in our opening games," USC coach Pete Carroll said.
"It has always served us well. Arkansas and Auburn and Nebraska and Virginia Tech, those have all been great games to open up our seasons with. I look forward to the challenge (of UVa). It's not going to be easy, but we're going to accomplish something really important to us if we can get this game and get back home."
UVa doesn't have a great history in games against elite opponents such as USC. Since 1940, UVa has gone 2-18-1 against opponents ranked in the top five of various national polls. It never has beaten a non-conference opponent ranked in the top five. UVa's only wins against a top-five foe came in Charlottesville against Florida State, when the Seminoles were ranked No. 2 (1995) and No. 4 (2005).
How does USC rank among some of the teams to travel into Scott Stadium in the past? Are the Trojans the best?
"With all due respect to those who proceeded them, yes," Groh said.
Though USC won't be 100 percent healthy coming into today's game, it still has a plethora of unrivaled talent to marvel at.
The Trojans boast 19 players who once were considered five-star recruits by various recruiting services, including five offensive linemen, four running backs, three linebackers, three wide receivers, a defensive end, a safety and two quarterbacks.
"They're something to model your game after," UVa linebacker Clint Sintim said.
"You can't help but respect the talent they have."
Quarterback Mark Sanchez, one of the many five-star recruits, will play despite still recovering from a dislocated kneecap sustained three weeks ago. Running back Joe McKnight, another five-star talent, is expected to play, though he's recovering from a hyperextended elbow and two bruised fingers suffered this month.
Most teams would cringe at the prospect of having to travel more than 2,500 miles for a season opener while having to deal with those kinds of injuries. Not USC, a team that can substitute top-level talent for top-level talent. That's a fact that hasn't escaped most of UVa's players.
"They have so many people at every position who can take it the distance," Cavaliers safety Byron Glaspy said.